Uke Proliferation

Funny, when i juggle ukuleles... folks seem more bent on hoping i'll drop. Some even demand it. But for those of you who wish to try such a fete you simply just get them going in a circle of 5ths pattern [Shower] & then just pluck them out of the air. For some this'll strike a chord. For others this will be like nails on a chalkboard... but instead of scratching a chalkboard, for me i'd rather use my fingernails on my doggy... Why? My dog has fleas!

Ukulele Farm

You don't hear a lot of Ukulele playing these days unless you are at my house... & there is nothing like the sound of an Organically Grown Ukulele. They bloom just after an April Shower... & on the next following Harvest Moon... you can grab your very own ukulooloo by simply... [& this one's going to hurt a bit] Tip Toeing Through the Tulips. It is not unusual to see migrate workers harvesting them during a night lit by the Light of the Silvery Moon. From there they head up a Lazy River following the reflection of the Moon Glow which ends right at the banks of the Blue Heaven farm.

Early Jester Pyramids

For most of you, this will require an explanation. And... i'm happy to do it because maybe it will also put you in 'the know' & enrich your lives with a Juggler's Vocabulary. Case in point, when a Juggler uses a circular pattern that is actually called a 'Shower'. 1 ball up - 2 balls down is "Sunrise Sunset". Neat ay? So when a Juggler stacks a handful of Cigar Boxes & slides them into a Fishbone pattern & then balances them on his chin... it is called "A Pyramid" & thus the solution for today's pix, The Early Egyptian Jester Pyramid. Class dismissed!

Devolution

Well, what seems to be a secret to many of my fans is that i am actually quite a proficient juggler. And i have noticed, of late, that there is a surge of folks wanting to learn how to juggle. But i think it's a dastardly trick against humanity. I think it is taking humankind in the opposite direction. We spend the greater parts of our lives trying to rise up & be counted & yet no matter how good of a juggler you are you will be quickly brought back down to earth in minutes! After a while, many take on more & more gravity & after a while are... yes they become grounded. Don't believe me? Show of hands, 'Who has this happened to?' See... no hands... why? They're all buried under a hill of gravity.

Guinness Book of Squirrel Records

With cheeks full & hands empty, juggler Milton Squirrel successfully juggles 4 full size walnuts for 3 minutes & 43 seconds. The previous record holder was Barry the Chainsaw Juggling Beaver. The World Record is not for how many juggled nor what they manipulate but the fact that they are actually Woodland Creature who possess a talent other than being Wide-Eyed & Bushy Tailed. Probably the most impressive fete was Ricky the Roadkill who juggled Deer Xing signs.

The Tusk Fairy

Well what the heck, if you're going to have make believe characters, why not go big. Maybe an Elephant with less junk in his trunk can don his false teeth proudly thanks to a very kind Tusk Fairy. Imagine the joy of a young Elephant finding a stack of cash under his Pillow. Thems a lot of peanuts Dumbo! Now perhaps the idea of Tickling the Ivories will evoke a sweeter more positive

scenario. And where does this lovely Tusk Fairy get all this ready cash for his pillow mining tusk task? Why from piano bar tip jars of course.

Rubber Dickens Caroler

Every Xmas i anticipate Carolers coming to my door & filling my porch with vibrations of the Xmas spirit. My favorite is the lone Rubber Dickens Caroler. Some of his repertoire includes, Here Clucks Santa Cluck, Rudolph The Red Beaked Chicken, O Lil Farm in Bethlehem, Away in the Coop, Duck the Halls & Foster the Chicken. It always makes my season... it's like Dickens Soup for the Soul.

Automotive Aerialist

For a short while i was employed as a Car Aerialist & traveled with Cirque Du Ville... which looked very much like a Coupe De Ville. Other acts included the Steering Wheel of Death, Clown Heads, a Wild Cat Seat Cover Trainer & a Hands Free Juggler named Blu Ray. You had to be willing to travel. Eventually work was hard to come by after dozens of crack users blatantly began stealing my aerial apparatus.

Peforming The Heimlich Maneuver on a Gag Writer

Early on after i decided i wanted to be a Comic, i got a job, yep like the title says, performing the Heimlich Maneuver on Gag Writers. I also Drove a Truck & Delivered Crates of Canned Laughter to the studios. I even raced Funny Cars for a short time. [Even my dad was a Good Humor Man in his early 30's] This is why i was destined to become an Actuary.

Kitty Up!

I don't remember seeing any Cats in Western Films. Sure, the popular Saloon Lady was named Kitty & Brothels were nicknamed 'Cat-Houses'... but when did they actually arrive? On Bonanza they called their dad Paw... but that could still be a reference for a dog. There's no 'Git Along Little Kitty' or '10 Gal Cats' or Kitty Carson. Think how fast they could have drawn their guns? Pffft! Imagine the terror they'd have brought to the Little Mouse on the Prairie? And forget the rolling Tumbleweeds, look out for... Hairballs!

"Arose Such a Clatter"

Wanted: 1-Man Audience or Crowd. Must be enthusiastic & know all the Crowd Cheers... 1-Man Wave, 1-Man Swaying Arms, 1-Man Encore, etc. Please no Heckles or Wolf Calls. It is a lil know fact, but i am in fact a Closet 1-Man Band. [Insert your obvious joke here] I find Xmas to be a very busy time of year for me as i am often hired to play the part of "Arose Such a Clatter" from that famous Xmas Poem. I also used to work with Bring in the Funk & currently I am in negotiations as the Orchestra for "Econimic Boom de Atta"... the Musical.

Every Time A Whistle Blows, an Angel Gets His Spicy Hot Wings

Well why not? Sometimes a play or Football Game is so unbelievable you have to think there was some Divine Intervention involved. I don't know if a team or Sport is worth Praying about, but the day the Cubs actually win the World Series, there will definitely be one spectacular celestial BBQ involving many Heavenly Angels chomping down on God's Lightning Bolt Hickory Shish Kabobs.

Wiener Driver

Well no, it wasn't as big as the hit movie 'Taxi Driver', but i dare say... or if i may be Frank, it was worthy of an Oscar... Mayer scholarship. It had the usual car chases with Firetrucks full of Firemen with BQ Skewers, a Carjacking by Kirsti Alley & even Ashton Kushner appeared in a cameo with the line, "Dude, Who Stole My Wiener?" The end had a Suspenseful Stunt with the Weiner Mobile jumping over 30 Weber's to win a Grand Prize check which was just enough money to buy his girlfriend a Bun Boy Restaurant.

You Big Nut... Cracker Ballet

[Sigh] I'm just too too much. It'll be Xmas soon & during this season my wife loves to see the Nutcracker Ballet. Last year i couldn't afford it so i just wore a TuTu around the house. On weekends i worked as a Scrub Brush for Disney's Teacups. I wonder if this production will ever be performed by Alvin Ailey & the Chipmunks American Dance Company?

A-Tack!

This is an Art Piece i drew when i was a wee lad... however since then, i have gained all the weight back. Military Generals oft Mapped out their Battles with Grids, Maps & Push Pins... therefore i decided to arm the Soldiers here with actual Giant Push Pins. [Hence the title of the piece] Also, before Infrared & Night Goggles were invented, Armies were not allowed to battle at night unless dressed in Neon gear. [It's actually a fun Filter i applied to the original artwork]

Breakfast of Semi Finalist

You'd think a Juggler would find himself on the front of a 'Trix' cereal box... similar to a Lawyer being on the front of a 'Fruit Loop-Hole' cereal box or Bernie Madoff being on a 'Bad Chex' cereal box. It's an honor none the less & i promise to only use my Wheaties power for good. Here's another thought... Rice Crispy Treats... where are the Wheaties Treats or the Cheerio Treats? Wait a minute... Capt. Crunch Treats!!! You heard it here first, folks... boy they would sell like hot cakes... [Gasp!] oh no, another breakfast conflict.

Frog Mutes

Scampering to & fro... a Rare Breed of Reptile & rarely seen is the Mute Frog. Since they were Born with No Tongue they must run or Hop skip & jump to Catch Flies... by Hand! They do however have the gift of great Longevity... Why? Because they can't Croak silly.

Crazy Straw Test Pilot

How do we know a Straw is Crazy? Same with a Crazy Glue. Visually we can see the difference but what if the Curvy Straw is just a fan of Dr. Seuss? And why do we grow out of these wonderful Liquid Slurping Hamster Habitrails? What... you won't look Cool in a Singles Bar with your Tall Glass filled with an Adult Beverage & Black Gourmet Crazy Straw? [Say, if a Zulu Warrior shoots a Poison Dart from one of these would it follow the same Curvy Straw Pattern?] Oops... There i go thinking again...

Dr. Seuss Straight Jacket

Being Dyslexic my dreams were different. When i was a Kid i ran away from the Circus to join a home... a Halfway Home for the Crazies. I lived in the Basement & most of the other Tenants were Nuts over me. I wonder when the Straight Jacket Fashion became a Fad? Did they have a Fashion Show? Can you buy the whole Ensemble? Are there Straight Sox? Straight Trousers? Straight Tank Tops for Summer? I know... i know... that's Crazy Talk!

The Boobie Hatch Bugle Staff

People always wonder if i have staff or company that enables me to continually develop this output of determined greatness. Well... yes... we are of 1 mind & regardless of different clothing we seem to work seamlessly & forthright. Just left of the photo is also a one trick pony... fired from the circus but effective for me & my company.

Stand-Up Comic Strip

Half Man, Half Doodle... Izzy Mycawn performs his Odd & Wacky observations & impressions in Newspapers across America. Hoping for Bookings & Cameos in other Comic Strips, Izzy is always available, even for Obituaries! No off-Black & White humor here & on Sundays he especially remains On-Color. He's come along way since the days Hecklers threw Erasers... Coming to a Newspaper near your Porch!

Brain Storming

I made this over 10-15 years ago & still find it charming. In Reality it would be frightening. But in Graphic form i find it Charmingly Surreal. And sure, not everyone will get it. It's Brainy, for some too Cerebral & yes... this graphic is a real Thinker. But perhaps we need more weather like this to conquer all the human elements plaguing the world today. So don your Yellow Slicker & Thinking Caps & Smarty Pants & look for Gray Matter Skies...

Mt. Rushmore Gets a Make-Over

Preeeeeeetty! Are these our Forefathers or 4 Sugar Daddies? I was going to make them all Mimes but felt that might look too scary or French. There are so many alternative directions i could go here that i think i'll leave them alone for now. [Sunglasses for Hollywood, Backwards Baseball Caps for Hip Hop, etc] Maybe my next one will be 'Mt. Rushmore... Bad Hair Day'

The Howling Hippo

High in the African Appalachian Mountains, a sound can be heard permeating the still Moonlit Nights of August. Like an Airhorn Mating call these Savvy Hippos call out for a female named 'Stella' while ignoring their female companions. Odd? Sure, but where else did you expect a Story to go about a Hippo Howling at a Moon. The only thing a Hippo really Howls at are good Elephant Jokes.

The Boobie Hatch Digest Vol. 1 [2007]

Boobie Hatch Digest 1

Uke Proliferation

i was under a lot of Strain here... Arrested because my Dog Had Fleas & for loitering... i was simply just down on my Pluck. Luckily i struck a Chord with the Judge & should be Tip Toeing thru the Tulips out of here. Caught after Police followed the description of 5 Foot 2, Eyes of Blue... in the meantime... Quick... somebody Bake me a Cake with a Pick.

Comic Concussion

Yep. If an Astronomer bonks his head he sees Constellations. If a Cave man bumps his head he sees Pterodactyls. A Badminton player... Shuttlecocks. A Rabbi... Star-of-Davids. So, if a Comic smacks his head? Ta da! It's endless... A Suburban Dweller... Pink Flamingos. An Obstetrician... Storks. A Werewolf...

Pocketful of Sunshine

Everybody needs their vitamin D. Maybe this is how God got started. Maybe the Earth started out as just a Jaw Breaker. Forget all this Scientific mumbo jumbo & pontification. Maybe the Big Bang Theory was a giant popping bubble. Hmmmm... I'm putting all my faith into Planet Gumball. Look on the bottom of your Shoe & what do you see? Pluto. [Sigh] I miss Pluto.

Free Range Jack-In-The-Box

This really is Thinking Outside the Box! Sure they start off Cranky... but after a few days of Roaming these Jacks begin easing up & taking in all the sights. Some still have trouble getting that Obsessive Song, "Pop Goes The Weasel," out of their heads, but that's a small price to pay for their freedom. So if you Crank a brightly colored box & are hoping to see a Clown Spring into View & alas it does not, do not fret... just remember, for every Empty Shiny Vividly Painted Box Bursting open to only a Bubble of trapped Air, a Clown gets his Shoes.

Superhero Self Defense Man

Why hasn't Marvel capitalized on this guy yet? In every Self Defense Class you have this guy take on Brutal Force from students & he's practically invincible. So how 'bout it Self Defense Man... step up. And let's not forget about Airbag Man? On a completely different note, if they passed a law where every man is required to wear a Cup would they have to cancel America's Funniest Videos?

Venetian Blind

For some... this will make you shutter... i apologize... for that last joke... Oddly this seeing eye dog has the natural instinct to swim dog paddle & yet where is his paddle? Oh well, back to the drawing board... no really... i have to go back & draw that paddle.

The Jack Walrus Terrier

One of the smartest Sea Creatures that you rarely hear about is the Jack Walrus Terrier. Breeders cross bred the Jack Russell Terrier with a Walrus for the Sole purpose of finding a much more effective way to fetch Fish Sticks. Snorkelers love them because they also fetch their Flippers & Longshoremen find them humorous every time they lift their tails & relieve themselves on a Dingy.

Right To Bare Armadillos

It's their 2nd Amendment right... & although cumbersome, it's quite a bit safer since now a Gunfight will end up looking more like a game of Bocci Ball rather than a Lethal Duel to the end. One Sheriff just wears a Sheriff Badger & that seems to be enough to keep the peace. Now it's less about the Man behind the Badger & more about the Badger in front of the Man. [Looky, i made a Quotable Quote!]

Straw Wrapper Tank

Aren't you tired of the unwarranted unprovoked surprise attacks of the domestic straw wrapper boinking off your nose. It all starts peacefully doesn't it? You share a table in a lovely cafe, order fun drinks or Root beer Floats & then Wham! Exactly, your sitting next to George Michael's & Andrew Ridgeley who are now singing songs & spitting their straw wrappers at you... hmmm what to do? Perhaps attaining a better arsenal. Isn't it time for a lil Straw Revenge

Bad Peacock Photo

Getting a good photo of some subjects is, many times, next to impossible. I tried to get a good photo of a fly up close & sure enough he closed 241 eyes. I tried to get a candid photo of a mannequin... no such luck... i even set the timer. And here is another one of my failed attempts, the peacock... in all his glory & yet... can you see the problem? Yep. Classic red eyes. [Sigh]

Mad Cow

Hey that's not so bad. Is this funny or not... hmmmmm... What me worry? I think Jerry Seinfeld said it best, "Hello alfred e. NEWMAN!" And have we got any mad milk yet? How about mad cheese? Incidentally... i've seen the show "Mad Men". It's not as funny as Mad Magazine. Ba Bump Bump, try the beef tips & hey, don't forget to tip your cows.

Hailing Taxis

You never hear this on the Weather Channel. Sure it Rains Cats & Dogs, Hails the size of Golfballs but unless you live in a Bustling Metropolis,

Hailing Taxis is not a problem. I guess if your African American you won't need a Taxi Umbrella. & I wonder if in Roman Times, the Town Crier concluded his News Broadcast with a Weather Report of Reigning Rulers & an all Hail Caesar warning.

Mice Suburbs

I love that today we are so 'animal friendly' but when mice start erecting awnings or pink flamingos near their door & gophers install a mail box complete with a porch light & motion sensor... then perhaps we need to reassess our ecosystem. I think some lines should not be blurred. I say gather up these pests... Put a sugar cube under a match box & stick, install a tiny pet door on your screens & fill your hummingbird feeders with glue. It's called catch & release. Ring ring! Hello... it's the call of the wild ! Get!!!

The Father of Juggling

Before Sir Isaac presented his theory to congress who then passed the law of gravity... what did juggling look like? Was it even considered a skill. Maybe jesters would simply hunch over & try to see how many they could trap from floating away... "Who wants to see it lower!!!" "And now... i will juggle 2 pianos while eating an apple." And jugglers certainly had to be careful when juggling torches. They wouldn't want to set fire to an airplane!

The Dancing Gravy

I'll admit this isn't my best doodle... it does lack a great deal of detail... but the idea, ah the idea! I believe this is worth sharing. I remember the first time i heard a majestic overture & these sudden water spouts began bursting into the sky dancing to & fro. Wow. The colors, the movements, the dances... Tap, Bob Faucet, The Quick Drip, Dancing leak to leak... no clogging here! What could be better? Dancing gravy! [Right at your table!]

The Enamel Piano

A little Funk in your Trunk? There is a legend of a musical melody drifting deep from an African jungle... the sound of someone tinkling the enamels. Perhaps Horton hears the Who & is now pounding out Baba Oreilly on the molars. And it's got to be tricky because most elephants i know do not possess petite hands.

Army Aunts

I had always heard how Army Ants were so fierce & frightening. Really? Do Daisies make a good camouflage? Are Doilies really the best land mine covers? The smell of delectable fresh baked Chocolate Cookies wafting from their Foxholes really an effective cover? And really, Lee Press On Bayonets? Well i will say, however, seeing an Auntie in Army Boots is a lil bit hot. Grrrrrrrr.

The 20,000 Leagues Stetson

Not to be outdone by the other fashion conscious Texans, Gunther decided to 1000 up the standard 10 gallon hat with his humongous & very ambitious 20,000 leagues under the sea hat. Sure he could have gone with a 20 gallon hat or 40 gallon hat... a barrel or water tower hat... but then each week there would have simply been a new volume to beat. So until someone comes up with an Indian Ocean Stetson or Pacific Beret... i think Gunther is safe.

Early Unicycles

Hi Ho Hee Hee Ho Silver! Clown pioneers of the ol' west really had it rough. Many traveled by tiny stagecoach or in tiny covered wagons being towed by a team of Chihuahuas. "Get Aloooong Teeny Balloon Doggies". Some were gunned down while trying to get their giant foam guns out of their holsters while others claimed their 'Bang' flags were quicker than a gunslingers bullet. Luckily, many also survived wild Indian attacks since their 'Arrows Thru The Head' apparel made it seem like Injuns had already been there. These Silly Settlers safely traveled on atop their trusty unihorses & eventually settle in & established a good living running their rubber chicken farms. For a complete history of these notable pioneers, just Wackipedia Wyatt Burp, Messy James or Silly the Kid

Heimlich On A Venus FlyTrap

I'm not really that gifted as a gardener. Lately the only thing i seemed to grow is tired. First there was the wheezing from my Air Fern which apparently had asthma. Then my Morning Glories started sleeping in. My Snap Dragons then were in a bad mood & snapped at me all week. My Forget-Me-Nots... You guessed it, amnesia & my Pansies are angry at the Mormons. At least my Venus Flytrap was an easy fix. Initially i thought it was just acid reflux. If you'll excuse me now, i have to go erect a climbing wall for my lazy Ivy plants.

Man Frog

We think nothing of becoming Frog Men & Navy Seals & enjoying free reign over the seas. But what if a Frog thinks it's fair play & enjoys the equal opportunity of becoming a Man Frog? Or a Sea Lion decides the reversal is also fair play & becomes a Seal Navy? Hopefully the Man Frog will load his harpoon with just fly swatters & the Seal Navy will only club pond koi & goldfish. Perhaps we need to think twice about our human intervention & dominance with the Sea? Don't be surprised if next time you dive off a cliff & do a Pike that you don't also see a Fish leaping upward passed you traveling the opposite way doing a Human.

Repunzel of Alabama

Ah... a Bouffant to the moon.

Always comedy gold.

Perhaps this should be called

Repunzel on prom night.

If she won Prom Queen

they'd have to fit the Tiara

using a cherry picker. I guess

her hair stylist would have to be a

stilt walker! And if anything i'd feel

bad for tourist. "Down in front please

i can't see the Sun!"

The Swiss Army Poke-Your-Eye-Out'

I don't know if rebellion is learned or instinct, but almost every child goes through this bold phase. Hence the underground popularity of this edgy extreme toy. It's in the same aisle as the folding Break-Your-Neck Bannister, the 5 seater jump-off-a-cliff like-your-friends bungee cord & permanent mud pack & Playdoh face mask maker.

Really Really Wide Screen TV [Really!]

What's next? The Cubed TV... where you can see every angle of your favorite actor? A Drive-In TV? A TV Implant? And why not take the Wide Screen idea elsewhere. How about a Wide Screen Microwave Oven... great for baking Foot-Long Beanie Weenie Casseroles? Wide Screen Washing Machines? Wide Screen Gum Ball Machines? Wide Screen Eye wear... actually, i think i am behind on this last one... case in point, wide screen contact lenses... Nancy Palosi.

Line Dancing of the Sugar Plum Fairy

Ballet is a young Sugar Plum's game. Don't get me wrong, Ballet is absolutely beautiful but it is also dated. Today's Sugar Plum has a great deal more opportunity. They can do Hip Hop, Crump, Tut, Disco, Clog, Breakdance, & even Bollywood. Why haven't they had a Sugar Plum on 'Dancing With The Stars' yet? I'm expecting some exciting new moves from future Nutcracker Suites or Nutcracker Cubicles.

Sundial Snooze Alarm

With just one slight twist & shift, Roman were able to shift the lil cloud, not included in all models, & block the sun & cease the alarm for an extra 10 minutes. Some models even included a strolling minstrel, the precursor to the clock radio, but that's another drawing... which will be done in about 10 minutes.