Welcome to the Bungle Pt. 1

Oh Mother Nature... a little help please. You should have created Hammerhead Squirrels so they could easily crack open their walnuts. You should have given us the Lawyervark. 'Nuf said there. Maybe aging Geckos could sprout wings when their arthritic hands can no longer grip windows & walls. Or Buffalo with much larger wings... Really why should it take so many before i am full. Or how about the Bendy Giraffe. [Similar to the bendy straw] And how about maybe a mute button on Yippy Dogs? Other than that... a job well done.

New Theater

So you always hear about 'Shakespeare in the Park.' I actually participated in one that was called 'Shakespeare in the Wild Animal Park'... we did 'Two Men from Ve-Rhino!!!"

Ah but i digress...

Why haven't other genre's jumped on this bandwagon? Why not have Mickey Spillane in the Alley. Scorsese in the Hudson. Tarantino in the Sewer. Roman Polanski in the Playground? Alfred Hitchcock in the Bird Sanctuary? Federico Fellini in the Asylum? Woody Allen in the High School? Michael Mann in the auto wreck yard? Cecil B. deMille in the Grand Canyon? Steven Soderbergh on the 405? Timothy Burton in the Chuck E. Cheese?

To Air is Human

How do they close or suspend an air space? "No air guitarists beyond this point" "Juggler's will be treated as trespassers" "Beware of Airedale"

It has also been announce that the U.S. Space program is being discontinued. Why? Everywhere i look i see signs that say 'Space for Rent". So it's not due to a shortage of space. Where will the space cowboy roam?

Can you just see a starfish making his way high atop a peak to howl at his solar friends only to see a blank slate? Just me? Ok.

Pet Peeves

How come you never see animals of prey stretching before their kill? I've never seen a Cheetah with a groin pull or a Charging Rhino with an ankle sprain. I have to be extra careful just stepping onto an escalator. But you don't see a Hyena suddenly pull up favoring a cramp or a Monkey doing shoulder rolls & toe touches before swinging from tree to tree to his hearts content. I need Icy Hot just spending the day at the zoo... riding the tram!

Hired Yelp!

I was trying to think of the most difficult job to do. Maybe a Sky Diving spotter. Probably need binoculars & eye black for that. Or maybe a Candy Corn Farmer... forget about the crows, how do you keep the kids away from your crops? [Maybe with a Scare Rottweiler?] How about the Cannibal Food Critic... & you don't want to ask about the Soup Du You. Or how about todays women's jeans store? How do you convince lady's today that these trousers do make them look phat? Or maybe the most difficult job is quite simply being a fantastic comedy blog cartoonist.

Maid You Look

Is it hot in here... or is it just me?

Meter maids... almost everyone i see is at least 5 foot tall. A meter is 3.2 ft. Maybe I'm confused?

I had a meter maid approach my car. She left the ashtray full, my dashboard unpolished & didn't even do my windshield. So what am i not understanding?

I know they are probably lovely people but their job is very pesky. We just want to leave our car somewhere while we go do some errands... Why don't we call them Traffic Hosts? "Hello, may i take your car & tuck it away while you enjoy your stay? Can i get you a drink or an horsderve?" [Sigh] That would be the city of my dreams... Simi Valet!

Nostrildamis

Ah the Handle Bar Mustache... What came first? The Bicycle or the Mustache? I don't remember seeing any photos of the Horse Rein Mustache? And why did the early Villains adopt it? Maybe because it just wasn't as effective when devising their evil plan to twiddling their EYEBROWS & say "Nya Nya Nya!?" So what about today? Why isn't anyone flaunting a Subway Strap Mustache? Or exhibit the Steering Wheel Mustache? Come on Villains of 2010... where's your panache? Incidentally I find it ironic when i see a Unicyclist wearing a Handle Bar Mustache.

Kung Fool

Nun chucks? Why? Usually more damage is done to the owner than the assailant. If it were me i'd just swing around a wild woodchuck on a leash. Who came up with this lethal jumprope? The name would seem to suggest a Nun or 2 fellers named Chuck. If it were Nuns, then why didn't the chain just connect to rulers. Nuns are very apt with those. If it were a pair of Chucks then why not play it safe & invent a Chuck knife or black Chuck? Seems more usable. Incidentally i do like their other more domestic tool... the drill chuck.