Kitty Up!

I don't remember seeing any Cats in Western Films. Sure, the popular Saloon Lady was named Kitty & Brothels were nicknamed 'Cat-Houses'... but when did they actually arrive? On Bonanza they called their dad Paw... but that could still be a reference for a dog. There's no 'Git Along Little Kitty' or '10 Gal Cats' or Kitty Carson. Think how fast they could have drawn their guns? Pffft! Imagine the terror they'd have brought to the Little Mouse on the Prairie? And forget the rolling Tumbleweeds, look out for... Hairballs!

"Arose Such a Clatter"

Wanted: 1-Man Audience or Crowd. Must be enthusiastic & know all the Crowd Cheers... 1-Man Wave, 1-Man Swaying Arms, 1-Man Encore, etc. Please no Heckles or Wolf Calls. It is a lil know fact, but i am in fact a Closet 1-Man Band. [Insert your obvious joke here] I find Xmas to be a very busy time of year for me as i am often hired to play the part of "Arose Such a Clatter" from that famous Xmas Poem. I also used to work with Bring in the Funk & currently I am in negotiations as the Orchestra for "Econimic Boom de Atta"... the Musical.

Every Time A Whistle Blows, an Angel Gets His Spicy Hot Wings

Well why not? Sometimes a play or Football Game is so unbelievable you have to think there was some Divine Intervention involved. I don't know if a team or Sport is worth Praying about, but the day the Cubs actually win the World Series, there will definitely be one spectacular celestial BBQ involving many Heavenly Angels chomping down on God's Lightning Bolt Hickory Shish Kabobs.

Wiener Driver

Well no, it wasn't as big as the hit movie 'Taxi Driver', but i dare say... or if i may be Frank, it was worthy of an Oscar... Mayer scholarship. It had the usual car chases with Firetrucks full of Firemen with BQ Skewers, a Carjacking by Kirsti Alley & even Ashton Kushner appeared in a cameo with the line, "Dude, Who Stole My Wiener?" The end had a Suspenseful Stunt with the Weiner Mobile jumping over 30 Weber's to win a Grand Prize check which was just enough money to buy his girlfriend a Bun Boy Restaurant.

You Big Nut... Cracker Ballet

[Sigh] I'm just too too much. It'll be Xmas soon & during this season my wife loves to see the Nutcracker Ballet. Last year i couldn't afford it so i just wore a TuTu around the house. On weekends i worked as a Scrub Brush for Disney's Teacups. I wonder if this production will ever be performed by Alvin Ailey & the Chipmunks American Dance Company?

A-Tack!

This is an Art Piece i drew when i was a wee lad... however since then, i have gained all the weight back. Military Generals oft Mapped out their Battles with Grids, Maps & Push Pins... therefore i decided to arm the Soldiers here with actual Giant Push Pins. [Hence the title of the piece] Also, before Infrared & Night Goggles were invented, Armies were not allowed to battle at night unless dressed in Neon gear. [It's actually a fun Filter i applied to the original artwork]