Uke Proliferation

Funny, when i juggle ukuleles... folks seem more bent on hoping i'll drop. Some even demand it. But for those of you who wish to try such a fete you simply just get them going in a circle of 5ths pattern [Shower] & then just pluck them out of the air. For some this'll strike a chord. For others this will be like nails on a chalkboard... but instead of scratching a chalkboard, for me i'd rather use my fingernails on my doggy... Why? My dog has fleas!

Ukulele Farm

You don't hear a lot of Ukulele playing these days unless you are at my house... & there is nothing like the sound of an Organically Grown Ukulele. They bloom just after an April Shower... & on the next following Harvest Moon... you can grab your very own ukulooloo by simply... [& this one's going to hurt a bit] Tip Toeing Through the Tulips. It is not unusual to see migrate workers harvesting them during a night lit by the Light of the Silvery Moon. From there they head up a Lazy River following the reflection of the Moon Glow which ends right at the banks of the Blue Heaven farm.

Early Jester Pyramids

For most of you, this will require an explanation. And... i'm happy to do it because maybe it will also put you in 'the know' & enrich your lives with a Juggler's Vocabulary. Case in point, when a Juggler uses a circular pattern that is actually called a 'Shower'. 1 ball up - 2 balls down is "Sunrise Sunset". Neat ay? So when a Juggler stacks a handful of Cigar Boxes & slides them into a Fishbone pattern & then balances them on his chin... it is called "A Pyramid" & thus the solution for today's pix, The Early Egyptian Jester Pyramid. Class dismissed!

Devolution

Well, what seems to be a secret to many of my fans is that i am actually quite a proficient juggler. And i have noticed, of late, that there is a surge of folks wanting to learn how to juggle. But i think it's a dastardly trick against humanity. I think it is taking humankind in the opposite direction. We spend the greater parts of our lives trying to rise up & be counted & yet no matter how good of a juggler you are you will be quickly brought back down to earth in minutes! After a while, many take on more & more gravity & after a while are... yes they become grounded. Don't believe me? Show of hands, 'Who has this happened to?' See... no hands... why? They're all buried under a hill of gravity.

Guinness Book of Squirrel Records

With cheeks full & hands empty, juggler Milton Squirrel successfully juggles 4 full size walnuts for 3 minutes & 43 seconds. The previous record holder was Barry the Chainsaw Juggling Beaver. The World Record is not for how many juggled nor what they manipulate but the fact that they are actually Woodland Creature who possess a talent other than being Wide-Eyed & Bushy Tailed. Probably the most impressive fete was Ricky the Roadkill who juggled Deer Xing signs.

The Tusk Fairy

Well what the heck, if you're going to have make believe characters, why not go big. Maybe an Elephant with less junk in his trunk can don his false teeth proudly thanks to a very kind Tusk Fairy. Imagine the joy of a young Elephant finding a stack of cash under his Pillow. Thems a lot of peanuts Dumbo! Now perhaps the idea of Tickling the Ivories will evoke a sweeter more positive

scenario. And where does this lovely Tusk Fairy get all this ready cash for his pillow mining tusk task? Why from piano bar tip jars of course.

Rubber Dickens Caroler

Every Xmas i anticipate Carolers coming to my door & filling my porch with vibrations of the Xmas spirit. My favorite is the lone Rubber Dickens Caroler. Some of his repertoire includes, Here Clucks Santa Cluck, Rudolph The Red Beaked Chicken, O Lil Farm in Bethlehem, Away in the Coop, Duck the Halls & Foster the Chicken. It always makes my season... it's like Dickens Soup for the Soul.

Automotive Aerialist

For a short while i was employed as a Car Aerialist & traveled with Cirque Du Ville... which looked very much like a Coupe De Ville. Other acts included the Steering Wheel of Death, Clown Heads, a Wild Cat Seat Cover Trainer & a Hands Free Juggler named Blu Ray. You had to be willing to travel. Eventually work was hard to come by after dozens of crack users blatantly began stealing my aerial apparatus.

Peforming The Heimlich Maneuver on a Gag Writer

Early on after i decided i wanted to be a Comic, i got a job, yep like the title says, performing the Heimlich Maneuver on Gag Writers. I also Drove a Truck & Delivered Crates of Canned Laughter to the studios. I even raced Funny Cars for a short time. [Even my dad was a Good Humor Man in his early 30's] This is why i was destined to become an Actuary.